Last night was one of those nights. Pre-baby, I had what I thought of as rough, sleepless nights. Not that those were exactly a walk-in-the-park, but they were nothing, I repeat, nothing like the rough, sleepless-baby nights.
Now let me clarify, Kateri really is cherry of a little girl, she is not colicky, and seems to really only cry if she is a) hungry b) gassy or c) very, very tired, in which case after one or two wails she is sound asleep. That really is not so bad! However, she does tend to swallow exorbitant amounts of air. Honestly, if I close my eyes as I listen to her tummy rumble, it sounds like I am sitting next to a 350 lbs man who just ate the meal of a sumo wrestler. It is LOUD, angry, and intense. Instead, she is a tiny, 7 lbs baby. Poor thing, it MUST hurt!
This night, she would wake up with gas pains the moment I would lie down for bed. It was like clockwork!
Kateri is asleep.
Put Kateri in co-sleeper.
Get in bed.
. . . (wait for it) . . . WAAAAAAAAA!
And yes this happened over and over. Poor Pat probably woke up each time she did!
As I circled the living room for the umpty ump time, my reserves started to get a little low, and every little problem or chore turned in to a quagmire of gargauntuan proportions. The laundry pile looked as big and insurmountable as climbing Everest in flip flops, the house looked as messy, cluttered, and beyond hope as the homes in 'buried alive' the hoarders reality TV show, the dirty diapers seemed to come as quick as bullets from a machine gun (ok, fine, HALF as quickly as the bullets from a machine gun).
This is the point at which I started to panic! I need sleep!! I can't do any of this, or even my job as a mother, if I don't get some SLEEP! Images of myself as a half-asleep/half-alive zombie mother started playing through my mind. How can you be a good mom when you are actually a zombie and everything you think of makes you go off on an angry rant in your head?
Thankfully, the dark night gave way to a gorgeous day of sunshine (albeit cold sunshine). And hope returned. Along with the realization that if God will allow sleepless nights, he will also provide the grace to get through the following day. And not only just that much grace, but much much more. I can attest to that! Today has been a wonderful day! The clutter is gone, the laundry being done, and the diapers have slowed down. Much of this is thanks to one of the great gifts God has given me, my husband Pat!
So comes my new philosophy: TRUST! I think God gave me a deeper understanding of the Matt 6:25-54 passage. In effect, added a little line for me from the Gospel of Matthew, "So do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear (or when you will sleep!)." So, from now on, I resolve not to be hung up on getting a certain number of hours of sleep, but will accept what I'm given and move on! What a blessing to have such a clear baraometer of God's will in the present moment! God is good and generous!!
Now, Kateri, why didn't you look like that last night? ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment